Dose of “Reality” September 25, 2007

I just read a little blurb in the Tribune about a new reality TV show on ABC called “I wanna Be A Mom.”  Apparently, they have infertile couples competing for fertility treatments at some fancy pants Chicago clinic.  They have to do all kinds of “Mom challenges,” like timed diaper changes and the like, and at one point the moms have to take care of FIVE kids, getting them to soccer practice, doctor’s appointments, piano lessons, etc.  My favorite part of the blurb is when they told about a woman who had a breakdown and left the show after having to listen to “High School Musical 2″ for hours.  She left saying she would never have children.  Maybe we should all go through something like that before having kids.  But then, the population would die out, I suppose.

I can’t find any information about the show anywhere else, though, so who knows if it really exists.  If it does, it will be an interesting 3am TiVo watch while I’m rocking a colicky babe.

Next Dr’s appointment tomorrow to see about the turning.  All the lumps are still in the same places, so I don’t hold out much hope.  We’ll see what happens.

“Breech” of contract September 20, 2007

Everything has been going great.  No morning sickness in the first trimester.  No heartburn in the second.  No swelling in the third.  But, now this durn kid will not turn head down.  I mean, I don’t really blame the little one — who wants to float around upside down for a month and a half?  But really, this needs to stop.  I’m at week 34 right now, and if by my next appointment the kiddo hasn’t turned, then I have to schedule and “external version,” which sounds uncomfortable for everyone involved.  Apparently, it means that one doctor grabs the kid’s head (from the outside) and another grabs the butt, and they try to wrangle it around.  I get an epidural, which is nice, but it still sounds awkward, to say the least.

The child seems to be sort of crossways, not vertical, which hopefully is a good thing.  However, it does make for difficult sleeping, because no matter what side I lie on, there is some sort of big baby lump that I’m lying on top of.  Again, that can’t be comfortable for anyone involved.

There are all sorts of things that I could be doing to perhaps get the turning going.  Things like lying upside down on an ironing board propped up at an angle.  Or shining a flashlight at the bottom of my stomach so the baby “goes toward the light.”   Or playing heavy metal music at the top of my belly, and/or soothing music at the bottom.  Maybe I already have bad maternal instincts, but I haven’t really done any of those.  I watched a Bears game or two lying upside down draped over the couch, but that just got really uncomfortable.  Mostly, my technique has been looking at my belly and singing songs ranging from the Byrds (“Turn, Turn Turn”) , to Total Eclipse of the Heart (“Turn around, bright eyes…”) to disco (“Turn, baby, turn.  Disco inferno!”)  So far, Ihave gotten a couple of kicks, but that’s about all.  At least the child will have quite a musical repertoire when it finally emerges one way or another.

I’m a bit pessimistic that things will happen on their own, only because this kid hasn’t done much turning.  It seems to take after Joe and I, in that once it’s someplace it likes to be, it hunkers down and stays.  It hasn’t been flipping around and cavorting in the womb like some people’s in utero children seem to do.  But, I’m hopeful about the version, because there seems (at least at this point) to be a fair amount of space to work with.  Hopefully that will still be the case in a week or two.  We’ll see.  If the version doesn’t work, then I just schedule a c-section.  Any dibs on a good birthday?  It’s a little strange to pick your own child’s birthday, but I guess I did it for the cats, since I didn’t know theirs, so I might as well do it for the kid.

So, if you see a strange woman sitting on the Brown Line with her legs draped over the back of the seat and her head towards the floor, it’s just me.

Liver it up September 17, 2007

So, I just read that in week 34 of pregnancy, which I am in right now, the baby’s liver is capable of processing some waste.  Does that mean I get to start drinking bourbon again???  After going to the Bears game yesterday and drinking Sprite, a stiff drink sounds pretty good.

But then, when DOESN’T a stiff drink sound pretty good, especially the more it sinks in that OH MY GOD WE ARE HAVING A BABY.

September Showers September 13, 2007

Some friends of ours, Jason and Kevin, threw a fabulous shower for us over the weekend.  Although they did not implement their plans to have a “placebo pinata,” a “break the water” game with water balloons and Jason didn’t have an umbilical cord with a baby doll running out of his pants (all ideas they entertained), it was fabulous.  I continue to be amazed at how many wonderful people we have in our lives, and how blessed we are that they want to share all this happiness with us.  We tried to avoid the whole sitting on a throne opening gifts in front of everyone part of the shower, but it was not to be.  Apparently, people want to see that sort of thing.

Joe got a good dose of shower — our friend Claire planned several fun traditional baby games like smell the diaper and taste test the baby food, so Joe found out what it’s like.  He had a great time (expect for the present opening part.  That he really did not like.  He tried to get out of it, and I had to use my Mom voice on him.)

It’s just so fabulous that we have such a life, and such people in it.  It makes me excited, even on my most pessimistic days, to bring a new person into the world! All the opportunities to meet these great people, to attend parties where there might be a placenta pinata, to be surrounded by good thoughts.  Sounds pretty nice to me.

Oh, and after the shower, I went to a sold out show at the House of Blues to hear Richard Cheese, lounge singer extraordinaire.  I ended up going by myself, unfortunately, but a friend had reserved me an ADA stool (thanks, Christine!), so I had a place to sit, and sat my a lovely tattooed couple from Minneapolis.  They reminisced about how they attended a Ministry concert when she was 9 months pregnant.  And then, I was talking to the husband about how I’ve been trying to put lotion on my belly to avoid stretch marks.  Just as I said “So I’ve been lubing up every day,” the wife came back.  “Let me guess,” she said, and said somethingorother “massage.”  I am choosing to believe that she said “perennial” massage, and not “perineal” massage, as I suspect.  I don’t not want to talk to strangers, no matter how lovely, about my perineum, really.  And I certainly don’t need any massage tips from them.

I am suddenly part cat September 6, 2007

But no, not the part where you have superb eyesight and amazing agility.  Just the part where all you do is sleep.  Joe and I just got back from a fabulous couple of days in Galena, IL.  We stayed in a beautiful B&B, and ate lots of good food, and sat in the hot tub (but don’t worry — not too hot, since apparently that’s another thing us pregnant ladies can’t do).  But mostly we slept.  9-10 hours per night, and then I would take a nap in the day. On Tuesday, we were going to go to a really cool state park in Iowa, with caves and nature trails, etc.  Then I went back to the room to get my flashlight for the caves, and never quite made it out again.  I twas pretty amazing how much I could sleep.  Today, when we got home, I started putting away my things from the trip, and thought, “Oh, I’ll just rest my eyes for a sec” and woke up an hour later.  Joe said to me, incredulously, “Did you really sleep?”  When I replied in the affirmative, he said “That’s starting to get pretty impressive.”  You know that when JoeKim is impressed by sleep habits, you have a problem.  I’m not sure how to work a full 8 hours tomorrow.  And I’m certainly unclear about how my friends who have 2-year-olds or 5-year-olds or any other type of thing like that and are pregnant manage to stay upright.  Tomorrow at work I’m thinking of resorting to the old Tom and Jerry tricks — either a) propping my eyes open with toothpicks, or b) buying glasses and painting eyeballs on them.  I’m sure either one will totally fool my boss in our 8:30 staff meeting, right??

My bad September 2, 2007

Did I say that Michigan was a potential National Champion?  My bad.  That was only if they didn’t lose to Division 1-AA Appalachian State.  My near beer never tasted so sweet as when I had a swig during that blocked field goal.

Go Buckeyes! September 1, 2007

Happy college football season, everyone!  I love the start of college football — I have been so giddy all day.  My friend Heather said in an email “You know that song ‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year’?  That should be about the start of college football, not about Christmas.”  Hear hear!   The only things to mar that special feeling are that a) I can’t drink beer (but Joe got some nearbeer for me at the store.  Hooray!) and b) Michigan is expected to win the Big Ten and maybe compete for the National Championship.  Ugh.

But, I do think that we get The Big Ten Network on our cable, so I’m going home early and seeing if that dreamy Kirk Herbstreit can visit me in the living room tonight.