Round-about every Wednesday and/or Thursday, I get this wonderful fantasy in my head. I wake up, and get a vision of taking the train with Joe, kissing him goodbye and going off to work as usual — but really calling in sick. I don’t tell anyone, and I spend the day in a downtown hotel watching cable and ordering room service and napping. Then, I go home like nothing happened and no one is the wiser. Someday…..
Another life October 14, 2008
This past Saturday, I got up with Darwin, and we hung out for a while, and then I decided that I should get some college football watching in. I knew that the games wouldn’t be on yet, but I turned it on to see College Gameday and that dreamy Kirk Herbstreit. But, it wasn’t on! How could that be? It’s always on from the time I get up on Saturday. Then I realized — that was in my OTHER life, when I got up around 9:30 or 10 on a Saturday. Now I have to wait 3 hours AFTER I get up for it to come on. And by that time, I’m ready for a nap, frankly.
Update
Just wanted to let you know that Darwin is doing great now. The combination of antibiotics seems to have worked, and he’s back to himself again. Such a peanut! Tomorrow is his first day back at daycare in over a week, which I think will be difficult for everyone. Lots of deep breaths…
First ER visit? Check. October 10, 2008
All the parents we talked to have said “Yeah, you worry a lot about your kids, but get a few visits to the ER under your belt and you’ll loosen up.” So, we have had a momentous first, and have visited the ER for the first time last weekend. Every time I visit an ER (not that I do so habitually or anything), I am always struck by how calm everything is. Those decades of Anthony Edwards and George Clooney shouting for 55 ccs of Endriocaine. Stat! made me think that walking into an ER would be like walking into the trading floor of the NYSE or something (note to future readers: “NYSE” stands for “New York Stock Exchange.” You can read about it in your history books). But it was mostly just people sitting in chairs, watching the Bears game.
Now that is not to say that it is not traumatizing to go to the ER. Especially when they have to stick your child with a needle 4 times before finding a vein for his IV. Four times! It’s so heart wrenching to have your child screaming, looking at you like “do something, Mom!” and knowing that you can’t do anything. They finally got an IV in his foot, but told us over and over again how dodgy it is in the foot, and how it could come out very easily and we’d have to do it all over again. Great. He had to get an IV because he had to get a CT scan, and had to have sedation for it so he stayed still.
I suppose I should relate to you why he went to the ER. He’d had stomach flu, and a high fever for a few days during the week, and had been home from daycare. On Saturday, I came home from a meeting, and the whole side of his face had swelled up. Joe felt terrible, because he thought it was because Darwin had fallen and hit the side of his head on Joe’s watch. We put some ice on it, and put him to bed. On Sunday morning, his fever was still high, and it was the 4th day, so we took him in. The doctor saw us for about 5 minutes, and said “I’m sending you to Children’s Hospital.” Apparently, Darwin had had an ear infection, and usually ear infections pop out through the eardrum and drain that way, but sometimes they pop backwards, and infect the space behind the ear, which Darwin’s had done. It’s called mastoiditis. The scary thing about that is that it can infect the bone behind the ear. The scary thing about THAT is that the bone is right next to this organ called the brain, which I hear is important.
So, we got a CT scan to see whether the bone was infected or not. Thankfully, it wasn’t (which of course we didn’t know for like 3 hours). But, we still had to get admitted to the hospital so he could be on IV antibiotics and have ear tube surgery, and maybe drain an abscess behind his ear (blech). Five hours after arriving, we were sent to our room to be questioned yet again on symptoms, birthdate, etc. I can’t tell you how many doctors, interns, nurses, etc we saw who all asked the same questions. I think that if we ever go back to the ER, I will first get Darwin a shirt that reads “My immunizations are up to date. I am not allergic to latex.” It was so tiring to have the same questions asked again — sometimes by people who were in the room when the question was asked and answered 5 minutes before! One nurse said “We see in his records that he had an ultrasound at 2 months on his hip” so, why don’t you see in his records that his shots are up to date?? I wonder if it’s some sort of strategy to make sure they get the correct information. I can imagine that some people (certainly not me) don’t think well in crisis mode, and so might just answer questions automatically without thinking. By asking them over and over and making sure you get consistent answers, maybe that’s a safeguard. Or maybe doctors have some communication issues. At any rate, it was the one thing that almost made me cry the whole day — finally being in a room, after Darwin’s bedtime, and just wanting to put him to sleep so that we didn’t have to worry about his IV getting bumped, and having to answer a battery of questions that we’d already answered 4 times before.
We finally went to “bed”–a pull out chair for me and a cot for Joe. Only to be awakened 3 times or so by the nurse to get Darwin’s vital signs. He could sleep through most of it, but not the rectal temperature. Who could? Luckily, we were on the “infectious disease” floor, in isolation, so we had a room all to ourselves, so no one else was bothered too much by indignant sleepy screaming. At midnight the nurse woke him up, I fed him, and then couldn’t feed him again because he was going into surgery the next day. Of course we didn’t know when the surgery would be, since it was an add on, but it would be sometime Monday, so no eating. Just fluids through the parental-ulcer-inducing IV.
On Monday, Joe went to work so he could save some vacation days for later. It was the toughest day, because of the damn IV — since it was so fragile, Darwin couldn’t stand, crawl or walk, so he either had to lie down and sleep or be held. Joe’s dad came to help with things — which I was not happy about at first, to be honest. As sad as it sounds, on Sunday night I was lying on a fold out chair in the hospital thinking “Well, at least we have some time to ourselves away from the Kims.” But, I was very glad when he was actually there. He brought clean underwear, which again I was not happy about at first, but was ecstatic about afterwards. He helped hold Darwin so I could take a shower, get lunch, etc. The other nice thing was that he knew the surgeon doing the ear tube surgery, so he could pull some strings for us. Getting surgery as an “add on” is a lot like flying stand by — you never know when you’ll go, and no one really tells you much. Joe’s dad took the bull by the horns and actually walked into the surgery department and said “I’m Doctor Kim and I’d like to talk to Doctor Matalozo.” Turns out he had worked with the ear surgeon when the surgeon was just an intern, and they remembered each other. So, after that, things went a little faster.
The surgery took a little longer than expected because the ear infection was so bad, and when the surgeon cleared out the infection, the ear tissue just started bleeding so that he couldn’t see well to put in the tube. He put in a smaller tube than he normally would have, but got one in, and everything went smoothly otherwise. And, they were able to put in a better IV while Darwin was under, so it wasn’t quite so terrifying. They warned us that Darwin would be very unhappy when he came out of anesthesia, and they were right. He was inconsolable. Crying, screaming, squirming (Hey — watch out for that IV!). He drank 2 bottles of juice, which we thought would help, but he kept right on screaming. Finally he calmed down and went to sleep and slept for a long time, which he really needed.
We spent another night in the hospital, and Joe went to work again Tuesday. That day was much better, because the IV came out mid-morning on Tuesday, which made life much better for everyone. Darwin walked around and giggled and giggled, so happy to be able to move around more. Mommy stretched out her back and tried to clear a path through the flotsam and jetsam of a surprise ER visit. we went home Tuesday night and went to bed about 8:30, exhausted.
And, the fun doesn’t end there. Yesterday, Darwin’s fever went back up to 102 or so, so we called the doctor and brought him in at 7:15pm (I love our pediatrician, with Sunday hours and appointments until 7:30). They gave us another antibiotic to try, and we have to bring him back today. So, he’ll have seen at least one doctor every day since Sunday. Poor guy. At least the pediatrician knows his shots are up to date!
To recap, before Darwin even turns one, he has had to wear a harness, a helmet, and gotten tubes in his ears. Hopefully we’re getting this all out of the way now, and from here on out is smooth sailing, right? Right????
Crossing the border October 2, 2008
So, the border we crossed was from New Jersey to New York, but it’s a border nonetheless. A few weekends ago, we visited Joe’s sister, her husband and their twins. It was a whirwind trip — we arrived on Friday , saw a game at Shea on Saturday, a game at Yankee Stadium Sunday, and flew home Monday. We had an awesome hotel room — 10 years ago I would have said it was a kickass party room. It was a suite that was really a suite, with total separation between the living area, bedroom area and bathroom area. It had a fridge, dishes in the cabinets, and a dishwasher. It’s not 10 years ago, however, so I will now say it was a kickass baby sleeping room.
Darwin was so great the whole weekend. He stayed for the whole game at Shea (his first complete game! He Inspired Carlos Zambrano to his complete game a few days later, apparently), and was happy and giggly the whole time. I nursed him right in the stands, because there weren’t many people (it was the first of a doubleheader because of a rain out the day before). I leaned over to my brother-in-law, sitting beside me, and said “Block for me.” I was more just warning him that I was TOB (Taking Out Boob). But he took his job very seriously and leaned over and even put him arm around me. So, there I was, with my boob out, my brother-in-law’s arm around me, sitting in Shea stadium. I think as soon as he did it, we both got really uncomfortable, but didn’t quite know how to extricate ourselves. At one point I made things even more uncomfortable, because I turned my head to say something to Joe, and my brother-in-law’s arm was right there, and out of force of habit, I kissed his arm. It was a bit awkward. And trying to have a conversation with your brother-in-law while he’s leaning in with his arm around you, and you are exposing your breast, is difficult, to say the least. There was a lot of very pointed looking at the field, even when nothing was going on.
At Yankee Stadium, I got pretty excited about breastfeeding. It was like 90 degrees and miserable, and we were all so sweaty and gross from the get go. Joe had been so sweet, and emailed both parks ahead of time to see about where I could nurse. Yankee Stadium said to come to customer relations and ask and they would get me fixed up. So, I asked around when we got there, and the place they pointed me to was like a beautiful mirage. The AC was blasting. There was a sleek counter, a doorman, and people falling all over themselves to help you. It seemed to be the place where people with the fancy expensive club boxes entered and got taken up in the secret elevator. Sweet! They told me to come back when I needed to nurse, and they’d take me to where I needed to go. I could hardly wait, but I wanted to wait until I really needed to go and nurse (or really needed to go and get some AC). So, I showed up around the 4th inning, excited to see the swanky nursing room they’d have for me. A woman with a special pass took me on the special elevator, and took me to…..a dingy handicapped bathroom stall with a metal folding chair set up in it. Very swanky. It was kind of cool, because it was underground on the same level as the clubhouses for both teams, so you could see “behind the scenes.” Then we went through the “press cafe,” where the reporters could hang out, and then through the newspaper reporting room (which was pretty empty), then into the women’s restroom. I figure that there are so few newspaper reporters at the park now, and even fewer female newspaper sports reporters, that they decided that particular women’s restroom was the least used in the whole place. I guess it was better than sitting in the stands and kissing my brother-in-law, but still. We stayed 6 innings (still counts in the record books as an official game!), and walked out as they were singing the seventh inning stretch. Even after no naps for 2 days, 90 degree heat and nursing in the accessible stall, Darwin was still patient while we took a zillion pictures everywhere and he even managed to almost smile in most of them.
Overall, though, it was a great trip. I got to see my good friend Jen, who made a 2-hour train trip to meet us at Yankee Stadium and sweat our Jeters off, and she even came back to New Jersey with us even though it made for an even longer commute back. Darwin made it through one complete game and 6 innings of the Yankee game. He does seem to jinx first-place teams, however. At the Cubs game we went to, the Cubs lost. At the Mets game, the Mets lost. Then, at the Yankees game, they played the Rays, and the Rays lost. I should have taken him to a White Sox game this season!
Darwin at Yankee Stadium
Gestation/Renovation 