I have done several things lately that make me feel like a grown-up again. I went out. With adults. On a weekend (thanks, Colleen and Christine!) There were Jaeger shots (Thanks, Michelle!). When I mentioned to my friend Julie that Jaeger shots made me feel grown up, she pointed out the irony. When was the last time I did a shot and felt OLDER? Like 1990 or something. But it felt really good to be out with a great group of women in a refined opera box at the House of Blues. Then, just today, I used my mom voice on Joe. I had a church meeting tonight, and Joe wanted to go to pub night at the Red Lion. I agreed to leave the meeting early so he could go to pub night, but when I agreed, I turned on my momvoice and said “I just want you to realize that we have chosen to have a baby, and that means that we have to make certain compromises and sacrifices. We can’t do everything we want every time we want to. This is the life we have chosen.” He still went out, but at least he waited until the meeting was fully over before he left. It’s the little things.And, I even went back to work today! I’m only going back one day a week, but it’s a nice way to ease into things and wean me off Darwin. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, going to work, but it really makes a difference knowing that it’s only for one day. I think the really hard part will be about week 2 of full time work, when I realize that every weekday from now on I will only see my son awake for about 2 hours a day. I was kind of hoping that I’d get to work and break down in tears or something, or realize that I can’t live without seeing Darwin all the time, so then I’d just know, and try to work something out with Joe so I could stay home. But, it actually felt kind of nice to be at work. I really missed Darwin, but I think the nice part was feeling relatively competent at something. Knowing what has to happen, and what the system is for that happening. At home with Darwin, every day it’s a new experiment. Ah, he is crying. I wonder what it is this time. Eating? No. Diaper? No. Sleep? No. Let’s try eating again — oh, that was it. It was nice to feel like I knew what I was doing for a full day.So I am feeling like a Big Girl today, after my girls night out, use of momvoice, and bringing home the bacon. Tomorrow, however, I will remain in my sweats all day and have conversations that mostly consist of “Who’s that baby in the mirror? YOU’RE that baby in the mirror! Yes you are! Yes you are!” If only I had known that adulthood would be so shortlived.
I am a grown up! January 31, 2008